She announced her abortion via fbk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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