the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
