like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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