It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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