I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
