she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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