it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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