I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
