If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
