you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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