so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
