I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am mentally ready for anal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
