too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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