they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
