careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
