I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
