Don't you send me to vm
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
