I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
