I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
