Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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