Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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