Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We got so high we made milksteak
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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