i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
