he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
