dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
