I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
