I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
