So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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