I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
