Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
