also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
