I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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