she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i now understand why vodka
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
