don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
