My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
