We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
