i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
