i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
