Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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