i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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