if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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