Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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