Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
