New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
