It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
