I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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