I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
