I wanna bring you to show and tell
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
