Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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