Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
