I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
