honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
