No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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