I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
