i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
